Got your rebate from President Bush yet?
Have you kept up on the discussions concerning the "patriotic" ways in which you are to spend/invest that bucket of cash?
Saving is a no-no. Spending is an Executive Branch directive.
Look further in your mailbox. Been getting those graduation party announcements lately? It is the season of chocolate strawberries and quarter-sawn sandwiches, you know.
You either enjoy these parties or endure them. There’s no in-between.
Always feel bad for the graduate who is stuck greeting his great-aunt from Billings whose name, for the life of him, escapes his memory but she gave a C-note to his older brother for his graduation which makes recalling her name an imperative, good-sense political move right now.
This year, these after weekend ceremonies provide a clear opportunity to please both the graduate and the president.
Look. It has become a part of the culture to invite half of Nebraska’s 2000 census to your kid’s graduation party. People don’t even sit any more. They just drop of the "gift card" in the bushel basket by the front door. (Once an hour, the youngest in the family brings in a wheelbarrow to replace the full basket with an empty one. Accounting firms from Price/Waterhouse keep tabs on the tally in the basement.) Once the gift is deposited, the invited guest grazes the food table, takes a complimentary napkin, waves to the parents, and exits the back entrance.
On to the next block.
Because the prez is giving you $600, by my figuring, you can visit, without undue pressure on your checking account, 30 parties (calculated at $20 per graduate without the cost of the "wheel tax" the graduate’s Dad is charging every visitor who rolls over the carpet ‘cause he’s gonna have to replace the entire rug after the day is over.)
On the positive side, you get to eat 30 times for nothing! So plan your graduate party schedule carefully, would ya? Make it work for you.
Forget the urge to be creative with the gift, too. Trying to find that "perfect" gift to surprise the young lady? Forget it. Whatever you come up with, she’s probably already bid on it through eBay.
Just go for the gift card. But no fast food cards.
That’s no help to the ailing oil company profit/loss ledger. And you know how this administration feels about oil.
This year, buy gas cards. Tell the youngster to have a fill-up on you. But be sure that they have their tank three-fourths full before they use your $20 spot.
Or, if you are just too old-fashioned for all of this, get those cheesy, cash gift envelopes. The ones with the oval window.
Just let George look through there. Staring at the shocked, disbelieving graduate’s face.
Welcome to the real world, Sonny.
That should leave you with $560 with which to "spend/invest."
Meaning - you get two fill-ups courtesy of the Prez.
Don Cunningham of Fremont is a regular contributor to the Tribune’s Opinion page.
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