A few bat-thoughts before the movie

They cost a dime. And I begged for the newest one on our weekly grocery buying trip to Kearney.

Mom usually caved. It didn’t hurt that we were milking partners every morning and afternoon in the barn.

I learned to creatively use guilt quite early in life.

Whatever her reasons, I always got my Batman comic.

Read the entire thing twice before we left the store’s parking lot.

Never questioned Batman’s ability with the bat-a-rang or bat-rope.

Accepted his expressionless penchant for controlling the bat-mobile at unheard of speeds.

Relished the appearances of Alfred, the butler, in one or two panels. Offering fresh laundry. Or a bite to eat. Always the gentleman.

Looked forward to Robin, the Boy Wonder, jumping in to save the day every so often.

But, alas, time has gone by. Grown older now. And the "willing suspension of disbelief," that is part of every comic book lover’s persona, has dimmed.

So before the release of the next Batman movie, "The Dark Knight," (scheduled for Friday), some rather serious-adult like-questions need be answered.

After all, we are in an election year. Tough questions are in vogue.

How does Commissioner Gordon keep his job? After decades of crime fighting, has he anything to show for it?

Considering the increased technology available to him, why does he still need to shine the bat-symbol on the clouds?

Shouldn’t the Commish attempt texting - or at least, email?

You’d think Gotham City could, at the bare minimum, afford a cell phone or two.

Speaking of, why would anyone want to live in Gotham City?

It’s always dark. Everywhere. Been that way for decades.

No Gotham City Beautification committee?

Gotham residents, helpless moles that they are, constantly walk around with fear in their eyes.

Evidently expecting the Joker to raid every Starbucks on every block every day.

Somebody form a Neighborhood Watch unit, for pete’s sake.

Heath Ledger’s "Joker" is certifiably bizarre, even in today’s "I will tattoo all my body parts and dress Goth if I want to" world.

Could pass for a 2-guard in the NBA.

While on the subject of fashion, the bat-cape, bat-briefs and bat-boots need a "What Not to Wear" make-over.

At the "O" Trials swimming superhero, Michael Phelps, wore a very sheer swim suit, the Speedo LZR, that was purported to erase one-tenth of a second of drag time in the water.

Couldn’t the Caped Crusader go upscale a bit? How ’bout it, Bat-hunk. "Sheer" might get more bat loving females to the bat, eh, box office.

The suit might also increase Batman’s bat-speed. Could get him to the Bigs as a second career.

Is the 2008 Batmobile green? Burn ethanol? Or E-85? Doubtful. That’s probably why the movie tickets cost so much and no passes are honored.

Does Alfred realize how much he could make from a "tell-all" book?

Don Cunningham of Fremont is a regular contributor to the Tribune’s Opinion page.