LETTER: Parents should discipline their kids

its just another case of someone sticking their nose where it dosent belong and then getting a group together to make a name for themselves and getting the government involved in our personal lives. one of my kids backsassed me several times and i then backhanded her in the mouth and she told someone and then i heard from the police. i told the police that they, nor any judge, nor anyone else are going to tell me how to dicipline my kids. as you said in your article, then people wonder why we have so many problems with the rotten teens. not all teens are rotten, but theres a fair share of them. and the sad thing is that these rotten kids know the law and use it to their advantage. alot of parents are afraid of their kids. i dont care how old i get, these rotten kids will never get the best of me. i told my kids that if they ever called the cops because i slapped them, that by the time the cops got here, they would be arresting me for murder and not just slapping a smart mouthed brat. they knew i was serious. i told them that if i was going to jail, it will be for something worthwhile. the government needs to stay out of our personal lives, but unfortunatly there are to many moronic people that need to be told what to do, when to do it, and where to do it. when the government should step in, they dont. like for instance the oil problem. i do not believe in government intervention except in certain cases. also we cannot expect, although many parents do, our teachers and schools to dicipline our kids. they are teachers not cops.

AGREED!!!!!

You can't just spank kids anymore. The police will get involved. Kids have way too many rights protecting them from correction. I had a child fall down the stairs, when I took them to the doctor to get checked out the first thing they did was ask me a ton of questions to find out if it was child abuse. SHE FELL DOWN THE STAIRS!!!! The litigation happy society we live in sucks. We can no longer raise our kids as we see fit.

There is a difference between a swat on the seat of the pants and backhanding a kid in the mouth.

I agree that our parenting may be to overseen by the government but you can still parent effectively without touching your child but I also agree that a good swat on the bottom now and then doesn't hurt!! Recently my husband and I have been talking about our kids and what they are growing up around. We try to teach our kids resposibility and respect, we are involved in their daily lives and try to lead them right way. Our boys are in middle school and what they have had to put up with already from other kids is unreal!! Not only the cussing, but bullying, violence/harassment, smoking, drinking, drugs!!! Do parents listen to what their kids talk about?? It is scary what they are exposed to at such a young age now! What is more upsetting are the parents that say "my child didn't do that" or when the parent isn't even around to confront! We no longer allow our boys to ride bikes or walk to school due to the many "incidents" that have happened on the way to school. Yes it is much easier to send them on their way in the mornings and not have to deal with the traffice but I also believe it is necessary to be a parent and make sure our children are making it school safe and not one of the ones causing the problems! I just urge more parents to get involved and listen to what your kids are talking about-it is a scary world that we are sending our kids out into and letting them "fend for themselves!" Just because the government says that we can not spank or swat or children doesnt mean that parenting is deafeated!

To: Fremonter,

WOW!!! You are something else. What, I'm not sure......

I would love to see an evening at your house around the supper table.

Lots of talk about government idiots, stupid people wasting money and how everyone is out to get you.
AND, if anyone disagrees with you, they are going to get a backhand to the mouth AND if they decide to call the police on you, you will kill them.
HMMMM, healthy living enviorment.

PS, If the Tribune decides not to publish my post but yours got in, I will be amazed!!!

fremonter sounds like he knows how to lay the smack down! I bet his kids know to say, please/thank you and will certainly pass the salt at the dinner table.

I have seen the kids that people like "fremonter" "backhanded in the mouth". They come to school bloody, bruised and devastated.One student had, according to the parent, been "backhanded" yet had swelling and bruises across her abdomen, shoulders and back as well. If we see it, we are required by law to report it. Then people accuse us of meddling when we are just attempting to protect kids.

First things first....Fremonter...You Scare me!! Tribune should pass your email address on to the Police....talking of murdering your kids when they are fearing you in the mist of your anger...where you are hitting them across the face. They have every right to fear you...turn it around....how would you like it if someone was to pop off and hit you! Second: When I was growing up we got spanked or warned about daddy's belt when he got home if we missed behaved. And god forbid if some Adult caught us misbehaving in the neighborhood or in the store or somewhere and yelled at us or told us No or that they would tell our parents....you never saw us mouth off or ignore that Adult cause our parents taught us to listen and respect all Adults and to straighten and act right. Third: Even in my own family I have witnessed relatives falling short on disciplining there own kids. I have witnessed first hand what happens when they don't follow through...you get a kid who thinks they don't have to listen to you and rarely takes them seriously and if another Adult tries to discipline that child and tell him NO! Not only does the child not listen to that Adult but the parent looks at it like "how dare you step on my toes and discipline my child"....what happened to respect you teach your kids for other Adults and backing up that Adult when need be!

You're right. A "swat on the seat" will bring a smile, or laugh. A good backhand in the mouth will bring discipline! That's the difference.

1ST...i dont care how old i get, these rotten kids will never get the best of me. YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD KIDS! YOUR CHILDREN ARE A BLESSING. 2ND...i told my kids that if they ever called the cops because i slapped them, that by the time the cops got here, they would be arresting me for murder and not just slapping a smart mouthed brat. FOR ONE, HOW CAN YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR OWN FLESH AND BLOOD, HOW CAN YOU TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN THAT WAY, YOUR CHILDREN SHOULD BE LOVED TO NO END NOT LOVED TO DEATH BY YOUR HAND.
FREMONTER... YOU NEED SOME SERIOUS HELP!!!! AND YES I HAVE TO AGREE WITH CONCERNED MOM YOU DO NEED TO HAVE YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS TURNED OVER TO THE POLICE FOR YOUR CHILDREN SAKE!!!! YOU MAKE ME SICK!!!! GOD BE WITH THE CHILDREN IN YOUR HOME!!!!

I totaly agreed with everybody, except with "fremonter". We should be "Parents" and teach our kids to respect us and respect others. But I would "NEVER, EVER" tell my kid that I will "KILL" him/her. This is why a lot of kids don't trust their parents. You also have to be a "FRIEND" to them. This way if they ever get into any problems, they "KNOW" they can "TRUST" you without thinking your going to "KILL" them. We as parents also have to "THINK" before we talk or act!

Your comments hit home with me. I will not let my kids use the bike trail to the middle school. It's unbelievable what goes on with kids nowadays. I will drive them every day and put up with all the frustration of the traffic in place of letting them be exposed to all these kids. Exactly why we are against 5th graders from all over the city being placed together in a big building by the middle school. No thanks - we like the elementary experience much better. Less cussing, less bullying, less drugs, less alcohol, and on and on.

to bender:
i never ever said everyone is out to get me. answer me this (if you can, which i doubt). why is it that years ago, we did not have anywhere near the problems with our kids behavior? if you did something wrong, you were punished. slap in the mouth, on the behind, and yes even a strap or belt. kids back then respected their parents. and yes some were afraid of their parents too. since the government stepped in, and we cannot properly disipline our kids, the kids know this and take advantage of it. so before you get all excited, i'm sure that in this hick town, you as well as many others, there is a big difference between disiplining and beating your kids. i have never beaten my kids. you people from fremont as well as most small towns just go with the flow and do whatever your told to do by the government. for once in your lives, try standing up for yourselves. quit relying on others to tell you what, where, and when to make a move. i cannot believe how backwards you people are. you wouldnt last a week in a big city. grow up and wise up. to boom boom boom: yes they do. to all others: as i said before beating and disiplining are two different things. as usual you morons take everything way out of context. i say backhanded, you say beaten. get real. to teacher: the child you refer to apparently was beaten not just diciplined. your a perfect example of what i just said about taking a statement out of context. and your a teacher? now thats scary. to concerned mom: pass my email on to the police? why? i made a statement to scare the kid, thats all. your another one who cant seem to read something and get the real meaning. you , instead make it out to be something entirely different. what a piece of work you are.

First I want to say there IS a difference between abuse and corporal punishment/discipline. Children in environments of real physical abuse (such as the post by teacher) or sexual abuse do need the protection of our goverment.

We are "parents" for a reason folks! If we were meant to be their "friends" that's the title we would be given. It is our job to prepare them for the real world. Much talk lately seems to be children obeying out of respect vs obeying out of fear. Well, I don't know about anyone else, but sometimes those two things go hand in hand. I don't like all the laws but I follow them because I have a healthy fear of going to jail. In return I respect the police because I know that they are there ultimately not to "catch me doing bad" but to keep society functioning peacefully and to protect me.

Personally I feel it is the same correlation in the home with children. They need to have a healthy fear of our punishments (corporal or otherwise, whatever works for you and your child)and they need to be able to trust that ultimately we just want them to be safe and happy and will protect them.

In today's society of touchy feely psychiatry where our children call the shots based on how they "feel" I thought the following poem would be relevant...

DON'T MESS WITH MOM

My son came home from school one day,
with a smirk upon his face.
He decided he was smart enough,
to put me in my place.

"Guess what I learned in Civics Two,
that's taught by Mr. Wright?
It's all about the laws today,
The 'Children's Bill of Rights.'

It says I need not clean my room,
don't have to cut my hair
No one can tell me what to think,
or speak, or what to wear.

I have freedom from religion,
and regardless what you say,
I don't have to bow my head,
and I sure don't have to pray.

I can wear earrings if I want,
and pierce my tongue & nose.
I can read & watch just what I like,
get tattoos from head to toes.

And if you ever spank me,
I'll charge you with a crime.
I'll back up all my charges,
with the marks on my behind.

Don't you ever touch me,
my body's only for my use,
not for your hugs and kisses,
that's just more child abuse.

Don't preach about your morals,
like your Mama did to you.
That's nothing more than mind control,
And it's illegal too!

Mom, I have these children's rights,
so you can't influence me,
or I'll call Children's Services Division,
better known as C.S.D."

Of course my first instinct was
to toss him out the door.
But the chance to teach him a lesson
made me think a little more.

I mulled it over carefully,
I couldn't let this go.
A smile crept upon my face,
he's messing with a pro.

Next day I took him shopping
at the local Goodwill Store.
I told him, "Pick out all you want,
there's shirts & pants galore.

I've called and checked with C.S.D.
who said they didn't care
if I bought you K-Mart shoes
instead of those Nike Airs.

I've canceled that appointment
to take your driver's test.
The C.S.D. is unconcerned
so I'll decide what's best."

I said "No time to stop and eat,
or pick up stuff to munch.
And tomorrow you can start to learn
to make your own sack lunch.

Just save the raging appetite,
and wait till dinner time.
We're having liver and onions,
a favorite dish of mine."

He asked "Can I please rent a movie,
to watch on my VCR?"
"Sorry, but I sold your TV,
for new tires on my car.

I also rented out your room,
you'll take the couch instead.
The C.S.D. requires
just a roof over your head.

Your clothing won't be trendy now,
I'll choose what we eat.
That allowance that you used to get,
will buy me something neat.

I'm selling off your jet ski,
dirt-bike & roller blades.
Check out the 'Parents Bill of Rights',
It's in effect today!

Hey hot shot, are you crying,
Why are you on your knees?
Are you asking God to help you out,
instead of C.S.D.?
-Author unknown

fremonter; It's a good thing that you used an alias on your post since you confessed to at least one crime (making terroristic threats) and probably assault and battery too.
The Bible tells us if we spare the rod, we spoil the child. The writer is talking about a shepherd's staff (rod) that the shepherd used to gently guide his sheep, not to beat them with.

If I ever had to backhand one of my children I would know at that moment that I had failed as a parent.

TO FREMONTER
The first statement you made was extremely scary. "i told my kids that if they ever called the cops because i slapped them, tht by the time the cops got here, they would be arresting me for murder and not just slapping a smart mouthed brat." That is what you wrote in what way are we taking that out of context? That is a terrifying statement, no spin necessary.

You people make me sick - those who are trying to say that Fremonter is beating her children and making terroristic threats. You’re insane. Clearly you are the parents that allow your children to rule the roost. I know my parents have made somewhat similar comments to me when I was growing up; the few times I braved threatening the cops when I got a spanking I truly deserved. And yes, my parents even (dare I even say this) backhanded me in the mouth. Again, I deserved it. Did I have bruising, bleeding, or emotional trauma? HELL NO. I was taught how to be respectful and not a delinquent.

People, get real. THRER is a difference between discipline and beating. There is also a difference between discipline and being a bad parent. Try doing some discipline; it might just make a good parent out of you. PS. Discipline doesn’t always include spanking; following through on what you say usually does the trick. Imagine that. I am sure that the same ones chastising Fremonter for being a good parent are some of the same people who live off of welfare. How dare you criticize someone who cares how their children turn out? Good for you Fremonter.

To Fremonter:

At what point does anyone think that slapping a child in the face is an acceptable form of discipline and not child abuse? If you were to do this to your spouse it would be called domestic abuse, not discipline. And threatening your kids that you will kill them for any reason is nothing more than verbal abuse. If this how you think your children should be disciplined, then you seriously need to seek family counseling and possibly anger management. It's not acceptable in our society to hit people in the face, regardless if they are your children or not. And even if there are no physical bruises or scars left behind, I guarantee there are emotional ones.

There are other ways you can discipline your children. If you don't know of any, then it your responsibility as a parent to learn more positive non-abusive ways in teaching your children the difference between right and wrong. "Backhanding in the mouth" only teaches them that hitting is ok. I can only hope the next time you hit your kid in the face that the law gets involved.

You know ... it is very important that we discipline our children. I would have to agree that there are a good amount of parents these days that don't. I want to say this though, just because a child does something wrong doesn't mean that they don't get proper discipline at home. When kids are away from their parents they do tend to get into trouble from time to time and Lord knows we can't be out there following them around all day and night. People have jobs and other such that would prevent that. Not only that but following your kids everywhere would hurt them socially. Having said that, it's one thing to give a younger child a spanking, but its quite another to threaten, or hit them in the face. You know, I know that back in the day when parents could clobber their kids that there were less rotten teens and kids running the streets, but you have to ask yourself why. I believe it was because of fear, and not respect for authority. I also believe that taking it too far with your kids can do just the opposite as they get older. My father was abused quite a bit as a kid. We aren't talking about spankings, we are talking about a good old fashioned butt wooping. He still got into plenty of trouble as a teen, with drugs and alcohol, and fighting, and a number of other things. That was a problem of course ... but the real problem is seen now. He is a man in his 40's who is haunted by his past. A man who feels unloved by the mother who abused him and called her behavior discipline, and as a result he drinks the pain away. I dont by any means condone his behavior but I absolutely believe he would be a different man today if he had not gone through these things. I feel cheated as well, if my grandmother had handled things differently maybe I wouldnt have been cheated out of having a father. That is something to think about before you take it too far with your kids for the sake of 'discipline'

QUESTION TO LYNN;

What does living off welfare have to do with parenting skills? I do agree with you on one thing: following through on things.

Although I do not live off welfare or receive any state benefits, threatening your kids with murder is not good parenting.

Having 2 preteen children myself, i understand the challenges of parenting. I am a strict parent and am often told how respectful and well behaved my children are. However, I teach them to be that way without threatening murder!

THIS IS A TRUE STORY
WHEN MY DAUGHTER WAS 9 YEARS OF AGE, I DID NOT ALOW HER TO GO OUTSIDE TO PLAY ON A SCHOOL NIGHT AT 7:00 PM, EVEN THOUGH OTHER NEIGHBOR CHILDREN WERE OUTSIDE. UPON PASSING THE HALLWAY, I FOUND HER ON THE PHONE CALLING 911 TO REPORT THAT HER TEACHER SAID THAT IS I WAS MEAN TO HER SHE SHOULD REPORT ME TO THE POLICE!!!!
ALSO IN JUNIOR HIGH, I SENT HER TO SCHOOL ONE MORNING UPSET BECAUSE I STOOD MY GROUND ON NOT ALLOWING HER TO DO SOMETHING I DID NOT FEEL WAS AGE-APPROPRIATE FOR HER. THIS WAS REPORTED IN HER "JOURNAL" WHICH ALL STUDENTS WERE REQUIRED TO WRITE WHEN THEY STARTED THEIR SCHOOL DAY. THE TEACHERS WERE THE ONES TO READ THIS "JOURNAL" IN WHICH STUDENTS REVEALED THEIR FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS. WHAT KIND OF SCHOOL REQUIREMENT WAS THAT!!! AN INVASION OF PRIVACY.
I HAVE STOOD MY GROUND AND RAISED HER REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE "SCHOOL" DICATED AND SHE IS A WONDERFUL, THOUGHTFUL YOUNG WOMEN NOW WHO UNDERSTANDS WHY I WAS SO STRICT. WE AS PARENTS NEED TO NOT GIVE IN TO CHILDRED AND THEY WILL MAKE US PROUD.

I don't care if you live off welfare or are stinking rich. You should not backhand a child in the mouth. Children do need discipline but NO ONE should ever threaten to murder anyone even as some sort of twisted discipline. Fremonter, you need to get a grip before you mess up your kids or go to jail. I grew up during the time when discipline was mostly physical and I saw some bad examples of it. That stuff doesn't go away, that is with the kid forever. Knock it off.

I love reading the posts by other readers and sometimes I get this urge to chime in and let me tell y'all, now is that time! "fremonter", not only because you're the first poster to this article but also because your statements were deplorable, is why you got attacked. You did attemtp to clean up your statements on your second post but, it failed to do that for me. You're affraid now aren't you? That your words were read and now you want everyone to believe it was all taken out of context. Whatever! Is all I have to say about your meek attempt at saving your pride hence you should get a backhand to your brain for thinking up such garbage. If you find yourself in the position to ever lay a hand on your child, that's when you should walk away and breath. I would never want my children to fear me or my hand! My Children will always be respectful, know what's right from wrong and will never and I mean never be struck on the mouth/backside or anywhere else on their body. I was never hit by my parents nor were there any threats of my demise from my parents had I did something wrong. My parents love me and I in turn love my children. Sit with, talk with, enjoy life with your children. You had them now do what you're suppose to do and educate them and lead by example. You want your children to respect others but you hit them, does that not teach them it's okay to hit? You say you want them to respect people, so you threatened thier lives and think that's going to make them trust any adult? Not to mention you? You seriously need counseling. I know of a great counselor in town...if you're interested let me know..
Good Day!
Alissa

to unreal and others:
typical of you people. hide behind the law. the governmemt telling you every move to make. how sad. ok people get off the murder thing huh? it was just a scare tactic. thats all it was. cant you idiots understand that? i give up. there are just way too many morons in this town. i will probably not respond after this post but i will sit back and read and laugh at you morons and your idiotic statements. you people continue to let the government rule and run your lives. i will just laugh at you like others do. get your one track minds out of your backsides and wake up and read and understand what your reading and keep it in perspective. oh yea and one more thing. get some guts.

To Fremonter~

So are you saying that backhanding across the face is discipline and not a beating. Because in my book that is NOT a form of discipline. Discipline a grounding or taking something away, etc., beating is using force or something to purposely hurt someone. Backhanding someone's face IS A BEATING!

I'm all for disciplining my children but I will never beat my children (especially a backhand them across the face). My children will never regret me because I will never use force to purposely hurt them.

To answer the question of what does welfare have to do with parenting skills...sometimes nothing, sometimes everything. What kind of example are you setting? If it a good one, you are trying to better your self, then nothing. But if you are a low life, druggie who has babies to stay on welfare, I seriously doubt that you are discipline your children. My point was missed none the less.

To everyone else; sometimes when someone says they back handed someone doesn't mean that they punched them or slapped excessively hard. Sometimes a small slap on the mouth does a child good. Also, how is different to tell you kid, if they call the cops for being disciplined that they might be murdered. It is an illustration, not an actual threat. If you think it is, you obviously don’t get it. I can picture my parents saying that same thing to me and it makes a point that you are just getting disciplined, spanked, grounded, put in time out… it's not like I am murdering you, that would be why you call the cops. My parents used to tell me that if I didn't stay with them when we were in public, that someone could steal me and I would never see them again. Does that make them bad parents, ruling out of fear? NO. It makes a point, although a graphic one, a point. They also told me that chocolate milk comes from brown cows and I turned out perfectly normal, loved, level headed, and respectful.

Too many of you are concerned about how it will make them feel. If you show your child love, yet clearly explain the ramifications of their actions, there should not be a problem. However, if you don’t discipline then what will they learn? They will not and eventually feel resentful for not being better raised. The problem is you are making this black and white...you hit, you abuse. Not the case. Again, get a clue.

To Fremonter
Your words prove what everyone is thinking. You are just a bully. You call us morons and try to make us feel inferior to you. You try to break us down so you can feel good about yourself in your own head. After the way you have written to us adults here, I can only imagine the way you speak to you children. If your children turn out to be the amazing people that I am sure they are supposed to be then it will be despite your dicipline not because of it.

I would recommend that every parent get their children involved in Tennis at a young age. It will help them develop the sort of passiveness that will keep them out of trouble when they grow older. My kids were always taught to take their aggressions out on the yellow ball. Many times my children would come home after being bullied by those "football players" and I would tell them just get out your raquets and swing away. They always felt much better afterward.

I think parents who don't put their children in tennis are simply raising their kids to be barbarians. Tennis together is the cure to crime in this country. Tennis makes lions into kittens.

Lynn: I agree that parents should follow through, however in defending the death threats (still a crime) made by fremonter are you suggesting that she follow through?

Jesus had disciples, which by definition means they were being disciplined by Him. I haven't read anywhere in my Bible about Him 'backslapping' them or threatening their lives.

TO FREMONTER: I agree with you whole heartedly. Obviously EVERYONE has a different view on discipline. What one person deems child abuse another calls discipline. This is a place for you to make comments on the article not to ridicule what everyone else says about it. I think its time for people in fremont to GROW UP and stop arguing about what someone else says...everyone has their own opinion you may not like it but guess what? You cant do anything about it!

To Lynn:

Threatening to murder your kids and telling your kids that if they wonder off in public they might get stolen by strangers are two completely different things. The sad fact is children DO get kidnapped in public areas when by themselves. Telling them to stay close isn't meant to scare, but to protect. Threatening to kill your children is nothing other than verbal abuse. It may be a joke to you, but I doubt the kids are laughing.

True Story:
Although you may not have been abusing your child, think of other children at home that are being abused. Many times school is the only safe haven for students (unfortunately). Have you ever seen the movie "Freedom Writers?" I recommend it - highly. Granted it is a movie, it puts that journaling idea into a whole new perspective.

Letter in General-
Have you seen the media lately and how everything is portrayed? Sex is now casual (outside marriage)... women who are college/adult age and are single are probably sleeping with someone... cuss words are everywhere - I don't see many tv shows or movies without them... the divorce rate is so high that most students don't have two parents at home and if they don't that means they may possible be switching homes every weekend, talk about confusing a child... life sucks. Bringing up a child in this day in age isn't easy, in fact, I would say it's the hardest thing ever. What do you shelter them from? What do you let them learn the hard way? Are you going to be a "helicopter parent?" Are you going to let your daughter wear a dress to homecoming that she can't bend over in otherwise people will see her bare butt (I can't BELIEVE the shortness of the dresses this year! But that's another story for another time.). Yes, many teens get into trouble with the school, law, whatever, but don't look over the good, scholarly, teens. So many times it becomes a stereotype of "all teens" which isn't true. They're some teens that are awesome!

Parents should be practicing discipline if they want their kids to be disciplined. Too many people saying "look at kids these days," well look at grown ups these days.....yelling at and sometimes assaulting little league coaches and umpires, spending sundays on the couch watching football instead of going to church or spending time with the family, spending more money on cars and tvs than on family vacations, talking during the national anthem....add your own example to the list. Children are as children learn, children learn as children see.

Thus spoke Snoop.

Why hit our children when there are so many wonderful, behaviour modifying drugs available, or if that doesn't work just drop them off at the hospital.

Get real people, what methods do you use if not a spanking? Take a timeout? What if that doesn't work, what's the backup plan?

My parents took me to church every weekend, went to all of my school events, supported me in everything I wanted to do, and gave me a good spanking whenever I was deserving of it. Now if that's not good parenting, I don't know what is.

Please, tell me if I'm wrong.

There are many problems with out society today. Many teens don't respect the elders, they think it as funny when they mouth off and do not give them the respect they deserve. Ya, I got spanked when I was younger but it's not as if they spanked me where I couldn't sit down or walk. However, FREMONTER wow, murdering your children? One word: therapy. Anyways, I think that a little more discipline is a good way to save our society,well atleast try. It's becoming to be a scary place where it seems the safest places aren't as safe anymore. Kids need discipline, they need guidance, they need our help. If some snotty kid mouthed off to me, I would def say something to them and let them know they are out of place.

I read through a lot of these comments. I have to tell you that even threatening a child causes a lot of trauma. I work with youth in an emergency shelter and a lot of them are there for abuse. Not all abuse is physical. I've seen the anger these kids have from parents who just don't understand what they are doing to their children. Kids are our future. we need to find ways to encourage them to be role models for other kids. Fill their lives with positives and praise. If they mess up, which all kids do, let them know what they did wrong, and have them think of what they can do better next time. I use this method a lot with the kids I work with. It's a way for the kid to take the responsibility. Kids want want to be in control anyway. I don't judge anyone for how they choose to raise their children, but I really don't want children to suffer from poor choices being made in raising children.

all i will say is "wow, what a bunch of morons". you pick up on one or two words and make a federal case out of it. murder & backhanding. how do you people live day to day? do you turn on your radio or tv and wait to hear from someone else on what to do? your funnier than a rubber crutch? your funnier than putting fake vomit or dog doo in the teachers desk drawer. keep it up people. your my laugh for the day.

I would recommend that every parent get their children involved in golf at a young age. It will help them develop the sort of passiveness that will keep them out of trouble when they grow older. My kids were always taught to take their aggressions out on the white ball. Many times my children would come home after being bullied by those "football players" and I would tell them just get out your clubs and swing away. They always felt much better afterward.

I think parents who don't put their children in golf are simply raising their kids to be barbarians. Golf together is the cure to crime in this country. Golf makes lions into kittens.

What a joke. Seriously?! Ask them what they can do differently next time and that solves all their problems because they want to be in control?

If they wanted to be in control they'd learn to show authority and adults a little common respect so they don't get into trouble in the first place.

From the scope of the letter we're talking about children who already know right from wrong. They had a choice to "control" the situation from the beginning by doing the right thing to begin with. Sometimes a good swat to the butt helps them remember that a little more than "tell me what you can you do differently next time".

That's part of the problem in our society today. There's no real consquence for their actions. Please, those children aren't learning anything other than how to pacify you by telling you what you want to hear about what what they already know they should have done in the first place.

What a joke. Parents need to get back to the business of being a parent. While I don't agree with fremonters way of explaining to the children the consquence for making a false abuse call to the police you can probably bet they never did so! I'm sure the children won't grow up to be mass murderers because of the comment either.

We are the adults people. They are the children. While no one is saying that you should daily berate or abuse your children you do need to stop being so afraid of them.

So what poor little SusieQ "feels" bad because she got a foot up her butt for sneaking out of the house at 3am. Perhaps next time she goes to sneak out she'll think back to how she felt, and choose not to and see that it "feels" better to do the right thing and not get into trouble in the first place.

No wonder so many people are dumping their kids at the hospitals. Talk about wanting control maybe a few more parents need to think about taking some of that control back.

Shame on you, Fremont Tribune for continuing to allow "FREMONTER" to post his/her Nazi like comments on here.

He/she talks about murdering his/her children and he/she belittles everyone who voices their concern about his/her threats.

To continue to let such a bully make threats on his/her posts makes me wonder about the mentality of the Tribune's editor.

The way it sounds, Fremonter will someday lose it and may wind up seriously hurting someone. When that time comes, I hope that weighs on your conscience for not alerting the authorities to this lunatics name and email addy.

TO FREMONTER: why won't you post your real name??? Quit hiding behind a computer screen and using a fake alias. Are you too embarrassed for people to know who you actually are? BTW, learn how to spell!

To Fremonter
I am sorry your life makes you feel so little that you feel the need to demean everyone. I hope that some day you will understand that everyone including yourself and especially your children have worth.

UNBELIEVABLE.........what on earth is this world coming to? And I am not badmouthing anyone, Fremonter if you feel this strongly about fremont and feel it is ran by gov and police then may I ask you a question? why do you live here? I mean after all if we are a bunch of morons and idiots arent you one for living here? you see I did spank my children as they grew up and I have one child who is a honest man and has a loving family and is a excellent business man and I took a belt to him before they passed all this laws, so guess I am one of the lucky ones who made something out of her children and am damm proud of it. I never backhanded them but I wasnt afraid to spank their bottoms, Oh by the way my other son is doing fine also. So please if you are a adult and loving parent give them something to be proud of and let them know you are a parent who cares the world for them and do it without threats or violence. My Prayers go out to you and yours. I sincerly hope I did not affend you in anyway.

Fremonter,i totally agree with you! A backhand certainly does make them think twice about running their mouth! And the threat of murder,i love it! Kids should be afraid of whats going to happen if they violate the rules! Im smart enough not to take your writing out of context.I would think that your children are a joy to be around,even when your not around.I think you should run for School Superintendent!!! Bravo!!!!

to shame shame shame: i dont see your real name on here. why is that? if you had read all my posts then you would know by now that all my kids turned out great, and they thanked me for the job i did with them. and you would also know that it was right here in fremont with the police involved. wake up. you can believe it or not, i really dont care. my spelling? yes its on the bad side, but as i have said, if you dont like it then dont read it moron. to b: how profound, and also irrelevant. to marsha: no offense taken, thanks for your post. to brent: thanks. and yes my kids are all doing well and they in turn disipline their kids like they should. some of you "people" (and i use the word loosely) need to wake up and quit trying to pass on your beliefs to everyone else. whether right or wrong you "people" have no right to tell anyone else how to raise their kids. right or wrong, i did my best, please dont bring up "murder or backhand again" its very old news. as i said my kids thanked me and are doing very well. as for living here, i would move in a heartbeat if i could afford it and i will if and when the time comes when i can afford to move. thanks to all the good posts and the rest of you? yuch to you. i have to keep it clean.

Glad to hear your children are grown and safe. I think everyone here will most likely calm down knowing that we are not possibly ignoring a small child in need. I do agree with that everyone has different parenting styles and I aknowledge that spanking is one of them, no judgements on right or wrong about that. There is however a line just behind spanking that is abuse and it should never ever be crossed.

Oh whatever happened to the good old days when we pulled something stupid and got punished by the teacher but was more afraid of our parents because they would give us a stern lecture and probably a swat on the butt. Now days the parents stand up for the kid and blame the teacher and sue the school districts for yelling at there kid because of something he or she shouldn't of done. Parents don't have any rights anymore. Why do you think so many are being dropped off with our safe haven law they passed. We raised six children and it might of been tempting to drop them off also but we did run a disciplined household and they all turned out great. Thank God we gave them a swat on the butt once in awhile and they laugh about it today.

It is so easy to get caught up in the fast pace of life that sometimes its easier to swat a kid on the but, spank, or even just yell at your children in the heat of the moment or while running out the door to make it to practice on time. I read an EXCELLENT book called SETTING LIMITS...it was the best book I ever read! It reinforces what most of us already know and gives simple ways to set boundries that kids and parents can follow. For example, sit down with your children and ask them what they think should be a consequence for coming home late, cussing, not picking up their toys, or drinking. More than likely they will come up with a punishment that is reasonable or even worse that what you would have. Write down what they come up with so when it happens you have something concrete to follow. Then the child has really set their own punishment and agreed it to be reasonable and the parents only job from then on out is to follow through with it! Hope someone out there finds this book as helpful as I did. Good Luck!

Wow! Is it really necessary to go with all of the name calling and belittling? Can't we just have a rational, adult conversation to discuss issues? We are all adults here, aren't we? Seems like the first response when we are disagreed with is to attack and name call. A rational back and forth of the issue would get us a lot farther than defensiveness, name calling, and accusations. That goes for all topics, not just this one. If you can't get your point across without using moron, idiot, etc, maybe you need to expand your vocabulary, or take a breath and count to 10 before you begin typing.

After reading all your comments you have answered a lot of my question. Why ate the children the way they are?
they are in to drugs I see MANY teens on the street smoking.
they drive a better car than I
There is NO respect for adults
If they don't get what they want they take tantrums. You can see and hear it in the stores when shopping.
But when a teenager holds a door for me I give them praise. And you all know they do push the envelope to get what they want.

Has anyone noticed that we have raised a generation of bratty, self-absorbed, mean and nasty little people who care only for their own wants and needs. They have no respect for anything, parents, police, church, school or society in general. I work in the public venue and for the most part parents who bring their children in my place of business totally ignore them. Letting them get away with murder. They either break our equipment or scream their heads off and the parent just ignores them or makes empty threats. My children's doctor told me that a good swat on the backside never hurt a child only scares them. He said the fleshy part was made for that. I agree. If children were disciplined today we wouldn't have the problems we have now. I personally blame the parents because they do not have the backbone to stand up to their children. This is one reason the safe haven law is being misused. Parents that cannot maintain control and are being tied up by government saying you can't discipline your children is creating a generation of disrespectful,me, me, me kids who beleive the world owes them. I loved the poem sent in. Take away all the toys, money and luxuaries and see how these brats fare. I by no means beleive a child should be beaten, but I do beleive in spanking. Time outs rarely work and it is a proven fact that real young children cannot be reasoned with because of they are still developing those powers. So as it says in the Bible, "spare the rod, spoil the child", we have done nothing but spoil and now look at what we have to show for it. A GENERATION OF SELF-CENTERED BRATS!!!!!

Just a generation ago they were using leather straps to give spankings with. I know a lot of people at my age even (I am 28) who got the belt, spoon (I got a soup ladle). Kids aren't afraid of anything anymore, you have to threaten them or they don't give a crap! Fremonter was just sending a stern message to get through to her kids (I believe we all go over the edge when we are angry sometimes). I know I do. It's pretty pathetic when you're shopping you have to give your child a swat on the bottom and you have all of these nosy people staring at you like you just beat your child to death. I just look at them and tell them where to go. Too many snoopy people who really need to mind their own business!

amen to : aps, appalled, and mandi. as i said once before, its refreshing to see others who are not afraid to speak the truth and not hide behind the government. to all others you are idiots, morons, stuck up, goody two shoes. wake up and smell the coffee. and while i am on here agasin i want to say to our government: start up the draft again, only this time for males and females. get these punk troublemakers off the streets and either make responsible adults out of them, and yes the military uses bad language and will physically and mentally beat down any punk who thinks he or she deserves it. your precious little child will either come home a completely changed person (for the better) or a wimpy little piece of crap that your so proud of. then you will see if your such a great parent. have a nice day to all who have a realistic braincell in their heads.

Fremonter:
You scare me. I was born and raised in Fremont. I lived in the era where my parents, grandparents, even family friends, used spanking as a form of discipline. But then I went to college, learned about child development and came to the conclusion (on my own, with no aid from the government) - that I would not spank my own children. Now I am a parent of 2, living in a city of nearly 500,000 (so much for your comment that we'd never make it in a big city.) I raise my children to know right from wrong, I use a stern voice when necessary, I redirect unwanted behavior, I praise positive behavior. And I have 2 very well-behaved children. Who, as children, know that it is rude to call people morons. So laugh all you want, but I think the joke is on you.

to big city girl:
i am happy for you that your kids turned out well. i never said that all parents were morons. you also said you went to learn about child developement. thas ok if you need someone to tell you how to raise your kids. thats exactly what i have been saying. some people just have to have someone tell them what, when , and where. what ever happened to good old dicipline? why do you need to be told what to do? if some people need to be led around their whole life, then they should not have kids. i am just amazed at how many of you there are in this town and country for that matter. you say i scare you? why? cant you deal with the real life? oh well. i guess everyone has his or her own way of doing things. right or wrong, dont judge me, because if you do you should be perfect, and if you are perfect, then i stand corrected. i will not be posting on this subject anymore. its just a losing battle to try and enlighten people like you.

First, I don't have kids. But what these kids get away with is appalling. I am 27 and I was raise very well. My parents did spank but I can count on one hand the times we did get spanked. And there was 4 of us. I never throw a fit in the store. I work for a retail stores in Fremont. And what I see is kids(of all ages) acting horrible. Throw fits, throw merchise on the floor and getting away with darn near murder. These kids cuss worse than I do, and i must admit I have a foul month sometimes. But they parents do nothing. They just look the other way.
I know that I am from a different generation and I will always thank my folks for the punishment and spanks I got that I deserve.All it takes to dicipline a child is caring an loving parents.

The kids don't respect their parents today so how can they respect themselves or anyone else?????

Fremonter:
I went to college to study psychology, not to learn how to parent. In doing so, I learned about child development, how children form bonds and positive self esteem. I formed my own opinions on how I wanted to parent, based on what I felt was important. I do not judge you. You, and every other citizen, have the right to parent how ever you see fit. it is safe to say that we both agree that children need discipline; I tend to start with guidance, and if necessary, will provide discipline. You scare me because you are so very critical of others, and the governement. A little tolerance would do you good. As for dealing with real life - I deal with real life every day. I work with teen parents in a high school setting. I see all forms of discipline and interaction. I don't judge these parents, as I don't judge you. I try to provide them the skills needed to build a positive, healty relationship with their babies; I do this because it is my job at my place of employment, not because I think I am perfect or have all the answers. The best part of living in our country is that you, and I, are free to expres our opinions. Your expression is just a bit rougher than others, but it is still yours and you have the right to express it. I only wish you didn't call us morons for expressing ours. While I feel you have a right to express your opinion, I don't believe that ANY adult has a right to physically hurt a child. A swat on the butt is one thing, but backhanding is abuse. And it demoralizes the child, teaching them nothing other than violence.

So Fremonter, you are talking about reinstating the draft...because, why?? You want the government to be in control of discipline?? Didn't you state numerous times that the government should stay out of our lives?! And it is the parents job to instill discipline and obedience in their children?!

I think everyone needs to agree to disagree at this time. Name calling and belittling each other isnt solving anything!! Maybe this is where all the children pick it up at!! Finding the answer to if spanking or threatening your kids is right isnt the solution to the problem with our children. We need to be the parents to these children!! Not their friends! I will admit I am not a perfect parent-none of us are!! Yes we have spanked our children on the bottom when needed. But we have also had our child say this at school when younger and had a visit from the local police. Granted it was embarassing and upsetting but our child also learned that what we were doing was not child abuse! I understand why teachers/schools/doctors offices have to report suspected abuse-reality is we have alot of children that are abused and this is the only way that they get out of those situations!

I have three children-that yes at times can test my patience, but they also know that we are the parents! One of those children is in a "split parent" situation. But we have all "grown up" and taken responsiblity for our action and parenting together and not seperate! We dont dwell on what the other parent has done wrong and let the child play that to their advantage! We are teaching all of our children respect for others along with themselves. We are teaching them to understand that if they do wrong they will be held accountable for their actions. Sometimes it is hard for them to understand why other kids their age are allowed to do certain things and they aren't, but we tell them we are the parents and those are our rules. We want to know where they are at, who they are with and what they are doing. I welcome the calls from other parents telling me if one of my children have done something wrong. I will be the first to admit that my children dont always do right but are held accountable for that!

Parents...we need to stop the fighting back and forth and start being PARENTS to these children that are obviously in need of us to do so!

To: Big city girl,

I am VERY impressed. Your post is probably one of the most well written and thought out statements I've read.

You are obviously a well educated and well rounded person to be able to articulate your opinion so well without have to resort to name calling and putting people down.

Your parents should be very proud....

as a parent i do slap my child in the face and use the belt on the butt.only when they desrespect me and other adults,if we as parents do nothing about it then we care nothing about our childerns future,i'm sorry to say that time out does not work on kids that are 10 and up.I LOVE MY KIDS!!!

I agree that kids need to be disciplined. I agree that we all have our own way of discipling our children. What I dont agree with is the grown adults arguing over how we should and should not discipline our children. Grown adults arguing what does that teach todays youth? Anybody who can read and use the computer can get on here and see how childish everyone is being. Why dont we stop arguing about how to discipline our kids and go spend quality time with them.

To Fremonter:

You go girl!!!