Pastor remembers years of weddings

The Rev. Leland Foreman has presided over many weddings during almost 30 years as an ordained minister in the American Baptist Church.

Foreman says he grew into ordained ministry by serving as pastors of music, youth and, jokingly, the bus.

Foreman’s degree from the University of Northern Iowa is in music and music is often a tricky subject when it comes to weddings.

“Contemporary music choices are not always appropriate for a church service and when a wedding is held in a church, it is a church service. I have a list of recommended music that can be sung or played in church,” Foreman says.

“Every time you make a rule,” he continued with a grin, “it’s destined to be a problem.”

He admits to disapproving of some of the music that’s showed up.

“I don’t have time to listen to every word of every song. The couple explains what the song is about and what it says and there it comes over the sound system and I say to myself, ‘Oh my.’”

Taped and recorded music for weddings has its own set of pitfalls. Foreman remembers one wedding where when it was time for the bride to walk down the aisle, he nodded to the sound person for the music to come on and nothing happened. He nodded again and still nothing. Finally, music came on, but it was the wrong music.

Everything in a wedding is supposed to be perfect.

Once, he remembers there was special music to be played while the candles were being lighted.

“All we heard was the introduction, and then the song stopped. It’s more personal when the music is live,” he says. “I’m, after all, married to an organist and it’s easy to coordinate with Jean. I always ask if they would like me to pick out the music.”

Foreman is not averse to marrying people at a location away from First Baptist Church where he serves. He has married people in parks and at the May Museum and once, memorably, at Bonanza Steak House as both the bride and groom were working there at the time.

Several years ago 17 Fremont churches signed a covenant to use a counseling service and set rules for the number of meetings to be held between the pastor and couple before the wedding. One feature is test of 160 questions is filled out by the prospective couple, and sent to Minnesota to be graded and evaluated before returning the results to the pastor. This gives focus to the counseling sessions.

“I go through the plan of salvation with them and they have to be at least sympathetic to the Christian faith. I have lots of good advice, but no one asks,” he says.

Knowing which couple will make it can be tough.

“I say, ‘wow, what a perfect match and then boom, it fails.’ Other times I say ‘not a chance’ and they are still together,” he says.

Unusual things can happen.

“One time we had a wedding rehearsal and one of the bridesmaids came into the back of the church and told the bride that the groom’s former girlfriend was outside. The bride-to-be stomped out not little steps, but stomped out. We just stood there. It may have been a bad sign,” he says.

One father of the bride, Foreman remembers, had been married several times.

“I had to arrange for six mothers to come down the aisle. That included only one grandmother and not everyone wanted to sit next to the person they were to sit by. I have to do lots of arranging of the wedding party. People can get a little testy,” he says.

Foreman advocates regular church attendance.

“I grew up in the ’50s and ’60s when the family went to church. Families that do that are the winners,” he says. “For a young couple to say, ‘I’m going to be committed to the Lord,’ they have a purpose other than making lots of money and getting a big house.”

Receptions have their own set of pitfalls and possible disasters. Foreman remembers the couple getting ready to cut the cake, a fancy job that sat on multiple layers of pillars, when the cake just collapsed. The bride broke out in tears.

Even in one’s own family, things can go askew.

The wedding of Foreman’s son, Steve, is a case in point. The bride put the rings on the wrong finger, a thicker finger, and the wedding couple spent anxious minutes in the bathroom soaping the finger to get the ring to slip off.

Very few weddings are perfect.

But in spite of all the trauma and drama, Foreman loves weddings where Christ is the center.

And that hasn’t changed during his nearly three-decade tenure.